This post really isn't about dolls, but it's important to me and I've debated about whether to speak of her but I need to get it out.
A friend of mine lost her 6 year old daughter to a sudden and fast illness this week. She was the most gorgeous little girl you can imagine and while I never met her in person (I met her mum through parent forums), I kept up to date in their lives through facebook. She was smart, adorable, and a little karate champ. She had a little brother and you could see how much they loved each other, it resonated in each and every photo of them. How do you explain where his sister went? Her Mummy is the most loving mum in the world, and instead of spending the holidays with her baby, she will be burying her.
With 4 daughters myself, I can't help but feel affected and have been unable to let it go as I've seen other friends do. I can't bring myself to put anything as my status except the wishes I've sent to the family, it feels wrong if I'm happy, feels wrong that I have my babies and she's never going to hold her precious daughter in her arms again.
When I think of the things they'll never get to do together, shop for bra's, talk about her first crush, graduate high school, plan a wedding, become a mother I choke up, my anxiety kicks in and I can't breathe. It's just not fair.
I planned to send some of my first dolls to little Jess and her little best friend Zoe who is the daughter of Jess' mums best friend.- two generations of best friends. Poor Zoe will never have another sleepover, another giggle, another dance with her best friend because life is just not fair.
My first doll will not be kept, it will be sent to little Zoe to have and to cherish as she does the memories that should have been a lifetime worth, but instead are just 6 years.
I have decided to send 6 butterflies to the family to release after the funeral, I wish I could be there to hand them over personally. One for each precious year of her life.
I sit here in tears again, and wonder whether I will allow myself to sleep tonight.. I have spent 2 nights watching my daughters sleep, and thanking the higher powers for allowing me to be their mum and for giving me the chance to be a better one too.
To my friend, please know that although I don't know you in person, I love you guys. I've fallen in love with your children over many years on forums and will never, ever, forget the beautiful little girl that you were so lucky to have called your daughter.. she will watch over you all forever and be waiting when it is your time to hold her again.
Hold your darlings a little while longer tonight, for we are never promised a tomorrow.
Sleep Peacefully Jessica. xx
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